1) No
matter how hard you try, you can't
baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad,
don't let her brush your hair. 3)
If your sister hits you, don't hit her
back. They always catch the
second person. 4)
Never ask your 3-year old brother to
hold a tomato. 5)
You can't trust dogs to watch your
food. 6)
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting
your hair. 7)
Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at
the same time. 8)
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a
glass of milk. 9)
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under
white shorts. 10)
The best place to be when you're sad is
Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1)
Raising teenagers is like nailing
Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3)
Families are like fudge...mostly sweet,
with a few nuts. 4)
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's
nut that held its ground. 5)
Laughing is good exercise. It's like
jogging on the inside. 6)
Middle age is when you choose your
cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1)
Growing up is mandatory; growing old is
optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all
the preservatives I can get. 3)
When you fall down, you wonder what
else you can do while you're down
there. 4)
You're getting old when you get the
same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller
coaster. 5)
It's frustrating when you know all the
answers but nobody bothers to ask you
the questions. 6)
Time may be a great healer, but it's a
lousy beautician. 7)
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes
age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE
1)
You believe in Santa Claus.
2)
You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3)
You are Santa Claus. 4)
You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS
At
age 4 success is . .not peeing in
your pants.
At age 12 success is . .having friends. At
age 16 success is . .having a drivers
license. At
age 35 success is . .having money. At
age 50 success is . .having money. At
age 70 success is . .having a drivers
license. At
age 75 success is . .having friends. At
age 80 success is . .not peeing in your
pants.
Always remember to
forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the
blessings that come each day. Take the
time to LIVE! Life is too short!!
